apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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