....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
