i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
