Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
