shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
