My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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