I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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