Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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