I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
