I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
