You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
