Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
