does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
