I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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