btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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