Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
