Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
