U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
