I CAN MOONWALK!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
