goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
