The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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