I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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