covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I haven't been this sober since birth.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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