I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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