I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
