oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
