i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
tell your sister to shave her snatch
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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