you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
