i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
