Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
