i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
