I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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