I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
