How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
