Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
