she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
