could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
