I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
