A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
