an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
