I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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