do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I fill condoms, not promises.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
