Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
