Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
