Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
