I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
