dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
