God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
