She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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