I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
