I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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